Officially Deployed

Today marks the first day that Joe is officially deployed. As I have written before, he has been training in Ft. Sill for the past few weeks; now the training is over and his section is off to Kuwait. I don't know how I am suppose to be feeling again. I feel like everyone is still tip-toeing around me, afraid to say or do the wrong thing. Ultimately, I still feel like normality is the most important thing for me. When everyone around me is sad like this, I want to start look deeper.

My sister had made a comment a couple days ago about me not wanting to deal with my emotions. In a way this is true, but at the same time I have dealt with them, and now I am ready to move forward. Essentially I have been taking the meditative approach (learned in yoga) of taking the thought and (eventually) letting it go. I see two options, I can let Joe's deployment consume me, or I can make myself better from it. I just wish I could find a way to let everyone else know that without actually saying it.

Overall I am still trying to focus on school and exercise. I have gotten to the point where the running does affect how I feel. I can almost see how people can say that it is a stress reliever, because it is satisfying to know I am improving. Though I am crawling to say the best.

I have decided to stay on phase three till the end of next week, trying out phase four right before Spring Break. This way, I can know where I stand and really nail those last three minutes. I am going to try and run during break, but I am afraid of how the elements will wear on me. I think I should continue, but if I do it will be a 1.1 mile run. I am going to set it up for walking 5 min and then trying to run the rest...again we will see.

Another thing I am crawling at is the weight loss. I keep teetering between 188 and 190 and it has been this way for almost a week. I have chosen the method I have because this will have the least impact on my skin and body (aka I don't want to have saggy skin). This is supposedly the "right" way to lose weight, but it kind of sucks. I will keep to it because at the end of this deployment is when I am really going to notice the results. It is just frustrating to have been running and watching calories (not as successful with counting) and not plummeting. I do know if I want that it will require a steeper diet and more exercise....honestly, screw that.