Audio and Life

As of this afternoon, I have been titillating the idea of doing an audio blog. I have a feeling it will help me with my annunciation skills as well as my issues with talking. This issue is I would not know what to blog about. Here I just write down what is going on and it is over. If I try and do that with audio I will end up babbling like an idiot.

In other news I have not really been on the computer since I left school. I have been mostly cleaning my house and reading and I am becoming very pleased with what I have accomplished this year. Even though I have essentially failed a class and sucked royally at my classes I cannot ignore the fact that I have both improved as an artist and grown as a person.

I feel more comfortable with myself. I am happier. I actually almost feel motivated for the first time in my life, and this goes beyond the normal motivation. Though, I am still weary on weather or not this is because of my new realization that I can wear normal sized clothing again. I went to fashion bug today and they only had a pair of Bermuda shorts I liked in a 16, guess what, they fit almost perfectly! All I need to do is keep this up.

I also got my eyebrows done and my bangs cut. It seems as though, subconsciously I am getting in my New Year's resolutions that I thought I may have failed at. Everything is somehow just coming together. I am wondering if this has to do with my main resolution of not worrying so much about everything. Or if it is the fact that I had time on my own to get over what happened this semester and I pulled myself out of a hole to make myself better.

Whatever it is, I feel like cleaning my room and everything that I haven't felt like doing since 7th grade. I believe Kristen when she says I was probably in a depression that I had not even known about. I think I had to fully break before I could climb out of it.

All I want to do is cry....

I know for a fact this is my hormones speaking, but all I really want to do right now is cry. There is so much stress, as well as stress release in the finals ending. This has been one of my worse semesters ever, but at the same time it didn't go as badly as I would imagine. On one hand I was sick, I ruined my GPA and I really wish I could just do it over. On the other hand, I have learned many things and feel as if the long run will bring me much promise because of this. On top of everything else, I am going to miss all my friends from school...I will just focus on when I will see them again, because that is really all I have.

This semester would have been a lot easier if yesterday I wasn't told that I am getting a D- in Typography. This grade is stressful and to be honest, a load of bull. I am being deduced for classes that I went to and for some reason have been marked absent for and I received grades that I don't feel I deserved. My teacher basically beat the crap out of my designing abilities and I have finally passed the stage of wondering if she was right and am now working forward to pulling everything back together.

To start, I am going to go see my old Graphic Design teacher from high school; with portfolio in hand. I think, at the moment, she is the one I need to see about this. I hold Mrs Gartner in high regards to design, she will help me no matter what. I have no idea what to say or do. I have no idea about the grades in my other classes....this semester I will hold in my mind and work from, I just hope I am not too far behind.

When you get less than a C in UMass, you cannot move forward in the next level of design. I am hopping that I can still stay on track and get signed up for type three and just take type two over again. There is really nothing I can do about her grading me, right now it is my word on hers and I have already talked to her, she is not going to help...

On top of it...wonderful girl times are making all these emotions more intense than they need to be, so tomorrow...super midol and going to all the things I need to do.

Good news being, my type three teacher is my adviser as well as the head of design....so I may be ok....I just need to get over this..............

Finals and Deployment

As I have stated before....This semester has been from Hell. I have been absent and off my game, until these finals of course. It seems as though everything may be starting to click because, looking at my Typography final, I am back in my game. I just wish it wasn't the end of the semester.
I am hoping that my teachers will see my improvement and take that into consideration when grading me. I can't even imagine failing a class and I truly hope my parents don't blame this on Joe. If anything, he has been keeping me going all this time...
Long story short I haven't slept in a couple days, just woke up around midnight because Joe was with his family and wasn't expecting me to sleep. I was thirsty and the urge to drink was getting too much. so after all those adventures, I tried to sleep again and I will after this entry. I have been meaning to write, but even though there was a lot going on, there was too much to write about.
The main new piece of news, that is the old piece of news, is Joe's deployment to Kuwait. I have pretty much known about it since November/December of last year, but now all the plans are coming together and I am starting to have an idea on what is going on. The thing that really effects me the most is the fact that I am going from seeing Joe all the time to only once in a while for the next year and a half.
Because of the Deployment, as well as AT and PreDeployment, if Joe comes back to school next semester he will be missing a good two months of classes. Logically his best decision is to not come back, but he will be taking online courses (and hopefully will be able to in Kuwait as well). With a summer in Delaware and this continuing on to the first semester of the school year....I will be lucky to see him once a month, until he leaves...
My best course of action, I have decided not to dwell on the time that we will be apart but focus on the times we are going to have together. Because of this, our time together will be a bit more cherished, and of course, absince makes the heart grow fonder. Another factor I am taking in is the poetic qualities of what is about to happen. I will be writing and recieving letters that I will keep for the rest of my life...also when he comes back it will be an awesome welcome home.....
I have planned most of his first care package and something I am making him...
Second course of action, stay busy...I may also need someone to talk to, but for that I am unsure. I haven't been in this situation before...but that is all for now because I am at the bum end of dealing with everything going on...after finals I will be less emo.

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