Update

I feel like it has been so long since I have posted...but that is probably because I haven't posted in such a long time.

I have recently come across archives of old emails and as I was reading through them I couldn't help but entering the nostalgia of the end of my high school years. At that time, I wasn't very good at spelling, I blogged about things just as random, and all I seemed to care about was getting into UMass Dartmouth for my Art Degree.

Fast forward 4 years. I have my degree, graduated with honors, and have successfully become the first in my immediate line to graduate from college. My generation, in my family, share this honor and to be honest I still hold it humbly. I know my previous use of the word "honor" takes away from the my previous statement, but realize it is an achievement I have worked hard towards....I even graduated with honors!

Here is the hard part. Hours of my day spent looking into jobs, opportunities, anything that can get me information to start pushing forward in my life. In the process of this I was able to look back at my achievements. The most noticeable being my spelling, but more trickling downward as I go. Soon I will also be looking into my older blogs...I am sure the internet keeps things forever ^_^

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Focusing on more immediate things, entering the "real world is certainly not been completed yet. I worry that I am going to be on this perpetual break, while knowing that this will never happen. I am a hard worker and I am great at what I do, but this not having a purpose thing...it's an ego killer. Though I have only been out of school for a month and job outlooks are in reach.

I feel like everything is just at a standstill, but pushing forward becomes hard as I want to pace with my surroundings. I am trying so hard not to get comfortable. I haven't been to the gym since school ended, I have just read, crafted and job searched. I have gained nearly ten pounds and I still am pushing for the drive to work towards my weight loss goal again. Poor Joe is trying hard to motivate me as well, but right now I am a bit off.

I know once I have my job everything will start rolling again. I am a slave to inertia. At school I never stopped, at home I have to really push to move. I need a reason to move and it is hard staying focused on my self motivation when I live with my parents. I think my goals will start with rehydrating...I am really only drinking 12 oz of fluid a day....I will move up to 3 quarts (at least) in time. My mom keeps thinking I don't have energy because I am sick, but really I don't have energy because I am dehydrated and under-motivated...my days are melding.

The thing I am most grateful for is that Joe has been coming to visit me. It is such a relief that he has a car and he could just come down whenever. I don't really mind picking him up, but it is a lot of favors that I no longer need to call in. His visits are a break to the days melding the way they are and I know I am starting to get a bit emo, but I will be fine once I start my job. I am very capable and I will get one soon...I can feel it.

Update and Homecoming

It was a few months ago when I came to the conclusion that I didn't really need to blog anymore. I had been going through one of the toughest semesters at school and trying to keep myself busy while waiting for Joe to come home. There was a lot of anxiety and somehow I had dwindled off of my posts that were meant to follow the deployment. Overall, things have turned out very different than I had expected in my last post, but I will break this down to my goals and how everything went with Joe.

Goals

If we recall, I had a set of goals that I wanted to meet before Joe came home. They really ranged among making myself a better person over this deployment. The main goal was to lose weight. My intended target was not met, however I was able to get a little bit of an accomplishment so it isn't a total waste. The main issue had become the last couple weeks before Joe came home I just didn't have it in me to finish my faux weight watchers...I will be restarting in the morning.

However my other goals were pretty much met perfectly. I have learned a bit more about maintaining my anxiety levels as well as had my first A in Graphic Design. I am now working towards my degree project and hoping for the best. I was really hoping to make Cum Laude, but I have missed it by .02 points, close, but not really a concern. Also my overall skill has improved.

Joe

I can honestly say that Joe coming home has been the most exciting experience of my life. I had been antsy for so long, getting to finally see him walk in the armory was quite an experience. Also, last entries spoke of him going to Delaware has changed to him staying in Mass...which is working out well for me. I am very happy to have the chance to get to know his family better and Joe has been really good about seeing me since he has been back.

As expected there are some small things that have changed since his deployment. I am still trying to get use to the bit of [emotional] hardening Joe has gotten over the past year, but he is getting closer to normality every day. I am being patient and I understand he just spent a long time with mostly men and he needs to readjust to being home. Though sometimes I forget; leading to some miscommunications, but nothing we cannot handle.

I just spent 10 days with Joe and I am still just happy to have been able to see him. I am very proud of him and how he is pulling everything together again. I am also happy we were able to spend my birthday together...he has also fulfilled my dream of having a charm bracelet that will have a new charm every year we are together!

Focusing on the deployment aspect of what has been going on. I had gone through a very sensitive stage where just about everything was upsetting me. I didn't really understand why, I was happy, but I kept getting upset over the smallest things. It took my sister reminding me that there is a lot going on and it is okay.

At the moment I am still getting use to the idea that Joe will be around more. I had been mentally prepping myself for more uber long distance for so long and now I really don't need to worry about it. I am use to Joe leaving for months at a time, but now it is only weeks. I just pray everything continues to go well for the both of us.

I have yet to decide whether or not I will continue my blogging, but while I have the chance I will pimp out my website a bit. thedesignkat.com :D