One Week

I am really looking forward to seeing Joseph in a week; though I am really not looking forward to the dentist. I have been telling myself all this time "Joseph in x weeks, dentist in y," trying to stray my energy away from my anxiety and keep myself from freaking out over my future appointment. This appointment still doesn't seem like a big deal for me, but the dentist in general is very nerve wracking for me.

I am trying to focus more on next week, because it is then that Joseph will be staying with me. It is strange to think that it has been four months into the deployment, and that I still have some time to go. I fear the time after he leaves because I am so use to "seeing" him on a daily basis, but times had been worse in the past. I am also much more fortunate than others have been (presently) so I still count my blessings.

I am almost at the bubbling part of my excitement. The containment will soon be overflowing and I really don't mind. However now I am unsure who is picking him up from the airport because I may believe in my driving abilities enough to do it myself. With this the image in my head changes slightly, but I am more excited for the week than his arrival. I just pray that I won't forget this.

Of course, forgetting isn't my style, but deep down inside me is a fear that I will one day forget all that is important to me. It would be dishonest for me to say that I have never had another "ah-hah" moment with Joe and I don't see a problem with it. I am also a person that believes there cannot be true faith unless it is questioned. In questioning we test what we truly believe in, and through our trials we find strength.

Finding Place

I find it really difficult to get my things back in order when I get back home. Somehow I accumulate so many objects and I really have no idea what I can throw away and what I should keep. Everything seems to have a purpose and I don't want to throw it away (Especially considering all the crafts I do on occasion).

Overall, I am resisting my natural urge to hoard. I throw things away every time I move out/in my room and I always have a hard time rearranging everything. One would think there are things I wouldn't miss, but then I end up using them to create things (such as a greeting card). However, I am milking this time for all that it is worth. I need to be done before Joe comes (in about a week and half) and once all this is over, I have no idea what is in store for the summer.

Focusing on the positives JOE IS COMING TO VISIT SOON!

Last Night

Tonight is the last night on campus and I am both excited and sad to go home. At the moment I am most looking forward to my dentist appointment next week and Joe coming the week after. Never in my life did I think I would be glad for a dentist appointment, but I have spent the past three weeks terrified that my temporary fillings were going to give way, and now it is almost time to get the permanent fix.

However nothing compares to the excitement of finally seeing Joe. Sure this is also a sad moment, because I may not "see" him (on the computer) again for a few months, but nothing else seems to matter. I am a bit nervous that our time will be tinked away, as of now I have already lost a day, but I feel like I shouldn't worry. I just need to wait for the officials towards the beginning of next week!

On the job front, I still need to call the people I want to intern for. I should have done this today, but I keep getting caught up in finals week. I am going to have to call them either tomorrow or Wednesday. I am looking forward to the possibilities, but I really hope I don't have to work till after Joe leaves. I wont ask for this time off, but I will hope.

This is just so exciting! I am trying not to get too into the emotion because of Murphy's Law, and the joy of sleeping, but as each day passes I am getting more and more excited. We are going to have a lot of fun going on dates and I know the week ahead of me is going to fly by so quickly. I am looking forward to meeting him at the airport and we can go home and have a nice week together. My nerves are only in the time he is gone again, but I will push forward as I have these past four months.

A small goal for this time is the possibility of pushing my goals for the next couple weeks. Yesterday I weighed in at 180 (which is another mile stone!) and I was teetering the idea of pushing 170 for when Joe finally gets here. This will mean two weeks and ten pounds. A pretty reasonable goal.

In doing this I will have to actually diet for the first time since I have started running, but before I go to those drastic measures, I am going to drink off my water weight (which is normally around 10lbs). I am also deciding my home work out which may end up being a mile a day or a mile then walking city park on off days. This all will have a lot to do with how being at home works out for me. I hope for the best.

My Brain Hurts

For the past two days I have been getting a migraine during the evening. My mother had a theory that it is due to my teeth, but I am really starting to wonder if it is from the computer/computer lab that I have been avoiding all semester. Really this has been a great semester regarding my health and my migraines. Even the migraine I am sporting now isn't that much of a big deal and the only thing really wrong with me is the temporary fillings. I realize now that I had been doing so well because I have been working off the computer so much. I need to get back to that habit, also lay off the florescent lights in the school buildings.

This is truly the worst week to ever be experiencing these problems. I have so much screen based work and so little time to finish. Again I ask myself why I didn't work during the weekend, but I had a good rest and I still regret nothing. I just wish my eyes would work with me.

Right now is just finding a job and hoping that my teeth will cooperate during the next couple weeks. There is also a hope that Joe's leave will not be challenged because of a soon to be move to Oman. I feel like everything is going to pan out great and Joe's philosophy of me needing to go with the flow is more important now than ever. I am trying to keep my teeth clean and healthy and soon I will be with Joseph, at least for a few days.

It is weird to think about seeing Joe soon. I am really excited, but for the past few months he has been in my computer (for all practical purposes), soon I am going to be able to touch and smell him again and I really hope my senses don't get overwhelmed. I don't feel like my level of control will be affected, but there is still a fear deep down. At the same time, I don't really care I miss Joe so much and I can't wait to see him!

Alas, I just need to focus on my last week of classes. I have a couple papers that I hadn't wanted to procrastinate but still managed to not really put a good foot in the writing portion yet. The good news is I know I can do this, the bad news is I am pressured with the hovering A's that are before me. So close, but if I aim wrong I can lose them.

Finals

I have a whole bunch of things I really should be working on, but I really just don't have it in my just yet. Earlier I had complained about a recent lack of motivation, but it seems to be building itself back up now that I know I may get an A in Art History (New Media)! This is great because Now I have a potential A in New Media, Short Stories and Typography 2. I do not include Graphic Design or my figure drawing study because (A) I have no idea how I am going to be graded in Graphic Design with the issue I had had with the disk in the first project and (B) Ellen has yet to give me an A in a drawing class.

I have worked really hard for Ellen this semester and have worked towards every goal she has asked of me. I have grown a lot in drawing but I did the same last spring and my teetering ended up with a B+. I am also going to make the assumption that it is impossible to get an A in Graphic Design when the teacher gave me an automatic failure on the first project. However she said that she would work with me and would tell me if I wasn't going to pass her class. At lowest I expect a C+ (needed for GD5) and at highest (I hope) is a B. If not, I am not sure what I will do.

Finals aren't so bad either, but there is a 8 page paper I have to write for short stories and a presentation that will decide my fate for New Media. There is also an in class exam, but I do not feel that Anna thinks this will effect my grade. Besides that I have my type book and my package design (with process binder). I am so close to having straight A's and at the same time I don't want to expect it and then have a let down. All I want is my GPA to average up to a 3.5 so I can be Magna Cum Laude (blue tasseled!), at worst I think I would end up just Cum Laude, but again it depends how my GPA will change when I have my new grade plugged in.

Finishing Up

This coming week is the final [full] week of school and I will finally be heading home in a little over two weeks. So far, I really have no idea how I am doing in many of my classes. I hope for the best, but still fear for the worst. I think this semester will go very well, however I really want to get myself up to the second level of honors which will give me a light blue chord at graduation. My best luck will be in the fact that my past Type 2 grade will be replaced by the end of this semester. I just need to remember to put that little extra effort and shoot for an A.

Most importantly I am really looking forward to seeing Joe. The exact date is still unknown, but I think I am finally getting use to this. The only thing is I only have things to look forward to for the beginning of the summer. I am only in classes until July and even that won't take up much of my time. Luckily, I have been applying to many jobs in the area. Unfortunately, there aren't many and I feel like I am up against all the people who once worked at the mall. Internships have turned up short as well.

Freelancing may be my best bet, however my past at Craigslist is starting to push forward again. There are so many people who want you to design and then they will pick the best. In theory that is great for them, however I can't condone to that because that is a lot of time that can be wasted and I feel everyone should be paid for their work. I really don't want to spend the summer doing nothing and at worst I may open my etsy shop again.