Down A Minute

This week has been filled with such good things and bad things. For one, I am pretty sure I have gained weight since last week. I have been eating like crazy and lost my iPod for some time (which is what I have been using to count calories). Overall I just feel fatter and really need to get back on the wagon about my weight, I am also thinking of starting the core exercises again, just to bump myself back into the game.

On the brighter note. Running outside for 1.1 mile I have cut down my time from 15:36 being my fastest mile to 14:29 being my official clock in for today. I feel better about this, but I feel as though my overall stamina isn't the same as it is on the treadmill. I think that this means that I run faster on pavement (most likely because the only reason I am running so slow on the treadmill is because I am programing it). I don't really know how I can moderate my speed more while still feeling like I am not just bouncy walking. I feel ok about this progress and look forward to going back to both my training and diet.

I just hope that I will be able to pull through with this. Every time I am getting close to losing I am pulling it away from myself. I need to pull more self control, while still maintaining my lack of stress. I decided that I am not even going to worry about the 5k. I am going to shoot for it and if it happens, it happens. I want to be able to know that I can run on my own first. I need to lose some weight and obtain my goal...I am still just scared of the outcome. I am afraid that I won't be happy with myself even when I am finished and go crazy about my weight. At the same time, I am afraid that I wont pull through and I will not be happy. I really just need to push forward and do this; I am running low on time!