I am putting a lot of faith in this next year. To my understanding Joe will be coming back next February, but I am unsure if I heard him correctly. This is a slight disappointment because I always saw him coming home in November, but this is nothing I had not already anticipated. It really was an unrealistic hope, but I held to it. This date also makes more sense than the others, I just can't wait till he finishes his job and comes home.
One thing I wasn't expecting was having it hit home so much when he gave me the number of days he had left. Not that I didn't feel like this deployment was real, it just affected me a little bit more than I expected. It was a twinge of depression that I don't want to feel again. I am also a bit upset with myself for not starting to do something about my weight yet, but I never really was going to do anything till I got to the gym at school. An upside to Joe being gone for as long as he may, is that I will have more time for my goal weight (140). I will keep my finish date to our anniversary (made before I had any idea when he would be coming home) and will spend those last couple months refining my work.
My real concern to him coming home in February, is that I don't know when I would be able to see him. This will be my last semester of school and I really hope that I do not have a lot of work. I was really counting on intersession to have some real time with him, but I guess I can also have him stay with me at school. That would actually be kind of nice, I just hope to keep focus...another thing is it is his mom's birthday that month. My guestimate is the day before! This means I will back down for any time his mother wants to spend with him, granted he comes and sees me ASAP afterward. So this could be, his homecoming and then goodbye for a few days...but again, I don't know and am guessing!
At the moment, I really don't want to know. We are still in the first week of deployment and all these things are still able to change. He could stay longer, he could stay shorter. My understanding of the situation can be totally off...I just don't want to get my heart set on something then have it taken away.
What I do know is that I would really like to see him if he gets the two weeks leave. Joe is afraid that it will be too hard on me to see him again only for him to go, but I think it would be harder knowing that I could have seen him and didn't. Honestly, I have a full understanding that he would be leaving. I don't think magic is going to happen and they are going to be telling him to just stay home...that is unrealistic!
In case it hasn't been noted I have a lot on my mind. My parents are talking about the possibility of them moving (after I graduate) and they are seeing where. I am pushing Arizona a bit because of my friends there and the fact that they will be near Joe's family. Also, should Joe and my path force me there I will have family too. Mentioning again I really, REALLY don't want to live there...it is hot. Legit the only reason is I hate the heat and my home is here. I have always imagined me in a nice RI or Mass home...but yet again, I am unsure where life is taking me.
Now I ride out my year.
On a side note I have written his first mailed letter...now to mail it...
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