Still A Trend

Some how the being upset on days that Joe isn't able to contact me is still a trend...this is still a very strong coincidence. It is almost strange, like deep down I know I am not going to hear from him. However, I don't like how the upset manifests. As I posted last night, or early this morning, my no crying trend has come to a halt. I made it over 40 days with out incident, but last night I was really feeling down.

I still don't know how I should feel about that. A part of me wants to feel as though I have failed, and the other feels like I should have done this sooner. I don't want Joe to think I don't care because he doesn't see this extent of my emotion, but I am sure he knows it is there. Some say I should show him, but he is busy when it happens and I really don't want him to have to worry about me. At the same time, I want him too a little bit. I see this as only being a month in, he isn't in Kuwait yet and I have a long way to go. I just need to make sure this whole feeling upset thing doesn't become a daily routine. Staying productive will keep me sane, plus I am not the one who has to work every day!

I just hope Joe and his unit will have a safe and happy deployment. As I told Joe the last time I saw him, I want them to just do their job and come home.