Cat and Mouse

"When the cat is away, the mouse is at play."

These words were said to me by my mother in relation to the soon-to-be deployment of my boyfriend Joe. She was making the reference to the question she had asked earlier, "How long are you two going to be together after he goes away?" A question, and an answer, that I do not know. Nor do I want to know, but something on that old phrase stuck out on me.

What is it when that saying is brought out upon a relationship? The true reference being where there is no authority the rebellion will come out, but in this case it is in reference to the physical relationship between Joe and myself. A relationship that I am fond of, but the lack of physical contact will not lead to our downfall. As I know now, I would rather miss him like this than not be able to see him when he does return. I do recognized the fact that he is not going forever. I see this in the long term. Short time pleasures may be fun, but I know in my heart I can never hurt him like that. What is it that makes relationships act the way they do? Is there really such a sense of immediacy? A time where the rush to sexual intimacy makes us skip emotional intimacy altogether?

However, we must also recognize the fact that all these downfalls, and breakdowns, eventually lead people to the people whom they wish to settle down with. Although, the scars of the immediate pleasures are still there. Even though these people now see the brilliance behind their love, can they move past their past lusts?

I watch the relationships of the people around me. In the youth of some friends I even see how they have no intention to keep these people in their future. They just see what they want and rush towards it. Even so, in their run, they go past their goal. They cannot even see what they ran past till they are so far away, they can barely see when they look back. Some lose their goal completely.

So I see these things, I hear these things, and am thankful for my choice of abstinence. I have relieved myself of this physical drama and put it back to a place of meaning for myself and my future husband. Every one seems to just assume that Joe and I are having sex not realizing that we are really just looking to each other for something more.

There really isn't much to this Cat and Mouse business anyway. In a way, this saying is not even relevant to the subject. The comparison of the Cat, or the Mouse, relates to an inequality of power. The mouse is rebelling because the mouse can't be himself around the cat. The mouse can only be himself if the cat is away.

So, I guess I answered my own question, though I am unsure of what it even was. Playing Cat and Mouse is not something I wish to do with Joe. In doing so we could not be seen as the "Partners in Crime" as I like to refer us to. We can both be ourselves with each other and there is more to our relationship than just his touch. We will last through his deployment, as long as our hearts will allow and all we can do is pray that they are strong enough. I know I sound cold mentioning the chance that something could happen between us, but I feel as though being ignorant will just make me hurt more should it sneak up on me. That is just how I deal with things.