Life

There are many days when I sit and realize how old I am, but lately this has really hit home. I feel old and young at the same time. I know the responsibilities I soon will face, but I still haven't been able to do the simplest thing like get a job. I feel like the ambition is there, I just don't know where to start half the time.

Regarding my internship I have realized another one of my problems in design. I didn't even realize this was an issue, because it has always been because of time. I know that I want to give hand making the pages of a children's book by hand, but at the same time I am almost too afraid to try. This fear won't stop me, but I have never really recognized it before. This is the same reaction that I give in school because at that time I feel that there is no room for error. I am really use to working instinctual, but now I feel I need to plan things out... another project for the summer.

the summer is passing by quickly but I know this is only for a short time. So far, everything is much better than I had anticipated, but a lot of this has to do with the fact I can talk to Joe again. Everything works out so well for me....(side note: why can't I find a job!!!) Another aspect of my summer going well is that I have been able to retain running. This is not as far as I am use to going, but something is definably better than nothing. I have worked my time down to 13:30 and I look forward to more progress.

My biggest fear in the running was my reaction to my mom's reaction. Of course I realize that this is not logical but something about her way of encouragement really makes me want to stop sometimes. I wish I knew why...but anyways I look forward to pushing my running limits so I can go further as the summer progresses. In this, I would really like to be 160 by the time school starts again (of course this being my midnight weight...which is like 5 lbs off) but I am going to be open minded. I take this as, I am doing something and I am doing it consistently. I really want to weigh less than Joe when he comes back...but at the same time I want to do it in the least stressful manor and the 2 lb a week method. I haven't counted my calories in a long time though, but I don't eat frequently enough for it to matter.