Getting Sick

As I have posted before, I have a very strong history of getting sick when I get nervous. This generally happens more in the morning, and as the day goes on lessens. It seems like it use to be different, something in recent years has targeted it to make me worry during activities. A newer peak, but still a problem that really started affecting me when I was in middle school.

Lately I have been observing, trying to find the root of what is going on with my body and how I can avoid it. In doing this, I have noticed that it is always right before whatever I am nervous about, during I am generally fine. You would think this would mean I am ok if I ignore it, but that is very VERY wrong.This comes up with my future trip to Arizona, going there I am slowly losing the anxiety I have. The real issue, as I see it, will be going home and the last days I get to see Joseph.

It is the stress more than anything. I have apparently inherited this trait from my mother, now all I need to do is figure out how I can take it away like she did. What I am noticing is once paying attention to it goes to the back of my mind, the urge can almost go away. It will be there always, but if I let it go I should be fine. I am also hoping that by convincing myself that I will not worry, my mind and body will work together.

I am remembering more and more that last time I saw Joe's dad I wasn't anxious at all. By then I had grown comfortable with his family and next time shouldn't be any different. His dad seems to like me a lot and, referring to the incident in August, I had not messed up in his eyes. I still don't know if the misunderstanding has affected anything with Joe's mom, but I will be a bit anxious about "messing up" when she is around. August was very frustrating for me, I know I didn't do anything wrong, but at the same time I see where I could have avoided the problems I faced.

Focusing back to my topic. My new years resolution of becoming less stressed has succeded, now all I need to do is finish the year by capping (at the least dulling) my reactions to my anxiousness. I have seen that it is a knot of negative energy and thoughts, now I will work on replacing them with being ok and...zen like (?) My first step is acceptance of Murphy's Law, then I stop my ailment!