What the hell is going on with my life?

It seems no matter how hard we try, someone will keep Joseph and me from seeing each other. Again we find our plans foiled because of something beyond our control.

The Swine Flu (aka h1n1) is really breaking my balls. Not because it is affecting my health, but because it is the soul reason Joseph cannot see me at the moment. In order to protect his new born brother, Joe's mom has decided that if Joe visits me on campus, he will not be allowed to return home till after his deployment. So now we are trying to find a way to see each other off campus, I just hope that will be possible.

This is really killing me. Every time we make plans something like this happens, I miss him so much and here I am, another month waiting. People say I shouldn't wait for a guy like I am, that it isn't worth this then a year while he is in Kuwait, but I am. I can't hold this against Joe, he needs his family, especially now, and this is a circumstance we can't control. I just hope I get to see him soon.

This is everything that I had been afraid of, and this is the thing I fear if Joe ends up in an out of state school. Plans keep being made to see each other, and here we are apart. Our anniversary is next month and with AT there is a chance I won't even see him till after then. Heck, there is a chance I could not see him till the Arizona trip in December. Then he leaves.

I see now people don't understand my decision. All that dumping Joseph will do is hurt us both. I have never been known to be a quitter and I am not going to start now. Sure, this is really hard, and I am giving up a lot, but I think Joe needs me now more than ever. I am not going to be selfish and leave him because of his parents not allowing him to come (more or less what is going on). For now, the pain is bearable, and I will work through it. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger. I do this not for me, but for him.