Fighting

I don't really know what is going on at the moment, just that stress is running high on both ends of Joe's deployment. I don't intend for there to be stress on a daily basis, but at the same time I feel like it keeps happening. For some reason I am being really sensitive, but at the same time I do feel that I have a right to be angry every once in a while.

This recent change in mood has lead me to do some research. I know that this is a perfectly normal stage of deployment, just not one I had expected to come across considering how well everything has been going. For now, I blame this on the shock of my sudden emotional outbursts, but I do want to stop this. What I am wondering is if I am making it worse by trying to let go of these superficial things that are bothering me before I am ready. I have been doing some reading. Mainly because I don't have anyone that can really tell me what I am feeling is normal and this is especially true because I feel like I am not fully looking at this open minded yet. This blog post was the first to make me feel better because even this not being our first argument, this is the first significant one.

I very much agree with the woman in the post. This is the most unsatisfying arguments someone can ever have. Neither of us want to deal with it, but I know it needs to be dealt with. Our time is also limited, which leaves me both stewing in my own problems and gives me time to think about the things that have been said. It is bitter sweet but I don't understand why I am holding this much anger...but I am also frustrated that I am not confident Joe understands why I am angry.

I feel like I am not being met half way, but at the same time I know I am. This is the exact feeling that the post had mentioned, which made me feel better about the situation as a whole. With our prolonged long distance relationship, I keep being afraid that it is always going to be like this...I do need to trust that it wont. I don't know why I am forgetting that Joe is deployed but I need to stop and chill out.

Side note, I feel icky and it isn't helping!!! Yay first summer cold T_T...

...this sickness may be keeping me from the lake tomorrow :(