Closing In

Suddenly I turn around and my semester is over. As of the moment I emailed my Art History final to my teacher, I have been done with finals. However, I will be staying on campus until sometime tomorrow...I could have been picked up today, but I have planned based on the idea of my parents not being able to make it. Overall, I feel like my semester went well. I am proud of my work and am almost looking forward to next semester. I use the word "almost" very strongly. With this semester's end, I will be seeing Joseph in a little over a day. A time that I am not wanting to end, because at the end of our trip is his deployment.

I have been able to successfully be able to avoid the whole upset stage, but it is starting to set in a bit again. Mental preparations are running deeper and I just keep reminding myself that this isn't a big deal...I mean it is, but it isn't. I told myself I would do everything in my power to not be upset, or cry, and I still plan to keep that goal. I know for the first few days of Joe being with me I will be fine. My worries are for when the deployment date gets closer. The only real good thing that is coming out of this is he is acting extra nice during this, and we are covering a few topics now that we didn't before. I am really having a hard time ignoring these feelings because when it comes it will suddenly be real. He will be away for a year, and I will be waiting for him to come home.

It isn't that I am freaking out yet, but this is starting to creep up on me. Who knows, maybe I won't have the normal reaction, maybe I will be fine. At the same time, I do want to let Joe know that it isn't that I don't care, it is that I don't want him to see me upset. I don't want him to look back while he is gone and think of me in tears. I want to be positive and work through this while finishing the goals I have set for this time. I have thought about not dealing with this, but I kind of have to. Whether or not I deal with this, it is happening.