Holding Up

I am still very surprised at how well I am emotionally holding up. I have somehow managed to convince myself that there is no reason to be upset over the things I can't control, and it is true. No matter what I do, some of my fears and worries are out of my hands. I see that letting go of that control is a very good thing. Thinking about it, letting go of some of the control in life can cause people to become scared. You are essentially putting your fate in many different hands and it isn't about whether or not you trust them. It is whether or not you trust the fact that, in the end, everything is still going to be okay.

There is still a balance, I do need to remember that although there are somethings that I leave in the hands of God, there are opportunities that I do need to assess and decide upon. One of the contributing factors to this is something that Joe's grandmother said a while back regarding trusting God's plan. Listening to her, this was something that I had already started at the beginning of the semester. As well as the system I have been using on my New Year's Resolution to not worry so much.

I am so close to having this resolution...welll....resolved! I may roll it over onto next year just so I can finish up all the kinks. I only hope that my mood, and attitude, that I have now will continue during the time that Joe is deployed. I can see myself starting to break down a bit as he leaves, but I can also see myself building back up with out a problem. I know the mindsets that will keep me in either state, however I have not the experience to know about the strength required to do so.

Mainly I still have my simple plans for while he is away. I am going to send him letters about twice a week, I don't feel like I have an interesting enough life for everyday, and we'll have emails, possibly skype too. Other things are I am going to need to avoid people that make my situation worse for me, but I will also be making him care packages. Most importantly, after all my research and reading, I see that it is important to have a goal to work towards while the boys are away. As you know my weight loss goal is still in effect, however it really isn't going to start until Joe is deployed.

I was going to start on that exact date, but Kristen says I have a date with her, Ben and Jerry so I may need to wait till January 11th. Still, I have no intentions of dieting, just exercizing and watching my calories. Still laid back and working out all my stresses and worries over that time. I want to be able to run by summer, because gaining weight while on break is not an option.